Stuck in that maze --- Again...!!

The last time when I entered that forbidden maze, I struggled. But later as I made my way inside I started enjoying the darkness. A few moments of euphoria is all what I got. The exit of the maze i.e. my destination eluded me although I knew I had it within me to find my way. But then I realized - It ain't worth it! And so I retreated and struggled my way back to the point where it all began. Out of the maze I was back to square one. Several months passed, the wounds had healed. That forbidden maze did not lure anymore. Would I ever take another shot and enter that maze? NO -- came the answer from my head. As far as the heart goes, it had gone cold.

But then one day when I was asleep, the sun emerged out of nowhere! What followed was that gentle and gracious smile. That ray of sunlight fell straight on my heart and the ice crust covering it melted. Yes -- it started thumping again! I said to myself that this is just temporary, and that the dark clouds would cover the sun again. But no, the warmth of those sun rays kept following me wherever I went.

And so I was tempted again to enter that forbidden maze. This time around the maze was difficult, with more twists and turns, and more dead ends. But the destination was bliss as I had seen in my recurring dreams. Yes, my intuition which is seldom wrong told me -- This time you are going to reach paradise. Yes, once again, I forced open the gates to the maze. Very unlike me, this time I wanted to get through it quickly and reach the destination. I went where my heart guided me and did what it told me to do. But this game just got tougher. My intuition, my heart, and my optimism failed me. As I ran, I hit the dead end and have now fallen into this big hole. As I look up from here I still see that elusive sunlight everyday. The difference being that this time it sort of mocks me and the warmth doesn't reach me though the heart is still burning.

And so, here I am, stuck in this maze again, fallen into this deep hole, where I am accompanied by darkness, anguish, loneliness and despair! Perhaps I am not meant to cross this maze ever and reach the destination. Now as I fight for survival, I have to pull my self out of here and get back to where I began. So what if my heart will freeze again? Atleast it will be less dark, less lonely, lesser anguish and lesser despair.....

...Gasping for breath I definitely want to find my way out of here!

On cynicism.. And Infidelity....

Hmm... So I am not having the best of times these days. Life's pretty monotonous and boring. There is no adventure, something which I crave for. Just the same, day in and day out. Dont I need a week off to re energize my thoughts? Well I certainly do, but, thats beyond the realm of possibilities.

On that particular front, which has dominated my thoughts over the past few weeks, I did regain some positivity and optimism after last week which ended in quite a disaster. Dont know whether the action I took was right or wrong, But I had to let it out and followed my heart finally. I was down in the dumps but struggled and picked myself up. Back to the road again. Whether or not the wounds will heal is something time will tell. But yes, I do want to get rid of my cynical behavior of late. Its really getting a little too much. Infact this friend of mine told me - "Rahul, you are behaving totally like Dev Saran (SRK's character in KANK)." Hmm..I have seen that movie numerous!! I am not that cynical, Am I?
Anyways I decided to watch this movie again today. After watching it, I do have something to say about the great hypocrites we Indians are. I remember when KANK was released in 2006. It was widely criticised by the audience. Did K.Jo. go bonkers? What message he was trying to give? I for one didn't like it much when I saw it for the first time. I thought -- Hey whats the justification in the story line? Why would any woman not like the perfect man in Rishi? What was Dev's fuckin cynicism all about?
But then I realized not all break ups/failed relationships are justifiable. I just loved it in the subsequent viewings. We Indians should learn to accept reality and introspect on this infidelity issue. Most of the times there are no reasons, no justifications.. its just human nature (the individual psychological forces that make us), which make us sway from even the most ideal relationships. The men/women in our country would be living " a KANK stroyline" in their lives but when they see a movie like this they despise it! What an irony! Are we hypocrites? My observations about this movie are endless, but I don't have the strength to go ahead at this hour.


And yeah, about the comparison between me and Dev Saran. Yes cynical I have been of late, but the circumstances which have caused this are totally different. Aaah! Dont I need that one week break, away from the fuckin hustle and bustle?

The Quest For Illusion... Continues....

One Night At Midnight

When All was Dark And Nothing Bright

She walked into my heart

And Filled Darkness With Light

Now I Wow

That With All My Might -

I Will Keep This Flame Ablaze Forever

Extinguish It Will Never!

Cuz She’s Engraved There Forever!

The Heart Is Flaming With Passion.

Thump -- That Sudden Flash, As I Notice Again

Still Secluded Is This Mansion

Still Just A Mirage…

Will It Ever Get Over?

My Movie Review: Taare Zameen Par

Aamir scores an Ace, TZP a natural delight

Rating: ****

The ghost (director) has been resurrected in human flesh and yes, Mr Perfectionist has got it all perfect. His maiden directorial venture is a delight for one and all. Whether you are a kid, or a teenager, just married, or if you are a parent -- Yes... You'll love it! Pre-release in what appeared to be a non mainstream film, shines like a UNIVERSAL film which will keep the box office abuzz.

The story moves along on a very natural pace at which the viewer is able to connect to the 8 year old dyslexic boy played by Darsheel Safary. That is the biggest plus point of the movie, the viewer draws parallel with the boys character connecting with him at a very high emotional level. You'll reminisce and be transported back to those wonderful years of your childhood and will have more than a tear in the eye. The scene where the boy is admitted in the boarding school and bidding goodbye to his parents and brother followed by the 'Maa' song is a real tear jerker. But tears is not all what you are going to have, the screenplay makes sure that those tear jerking moments are followed by heavy doses of laughter with some lovely and innocent humorous moments.

If you thought that only Sanjay Leela Bhansali knew how to capture art on celluloid then watch TZP. The boy's bunked day at school, his room, classroom decor, and the painting competition in the end are a colorful visual delight expressing a million words to the viewers.

Yes, its true. Aamir's character appears just before the end of the first half, but one is so engrossed that Aamir - The actor's absence is not felt. Thats remarkable! All the credit goes to the protagonist played by Darsheel who in my books gives the best performance till date by a child artist in Hindi Cinema. He is the heart and soul of the movie and how naturally this boy handles scenes of intense emotions with such ease in his first movie is stunning. Tisca Chopra as the boy's mother gives a top notch performance at par, if not above the likes of roles played by Nirupa Roy, Rakhi and Kirron Kher.

Aamir the actor has a shorter but powerful role which he performs decently. But at the end of the day its Aamir - The Director who wins hands down by extracting 'A GRADE' performances from all the cast, and making a movie which connects to the heart of the viewer. The second half becomes a little slow in between and it could have been more crisp. But thats negligible because in the end the movie manages convincingly to convey a very important message to today's parents - Your kids are not race horses of a derby. Let them travel life at their pace as each has their unique mission which only they can fulfill.

Lastly, TZP just made 2007 better and interesting. The award season is knocking and well, watch out, TZP may just pull off a surprise or two by upsetting the favorites so far....

The Unquenchable Thirst

Walking in solitude,
heavy bag full of thoughts,
along a Long stretched path,
the path on the sides of which lay jaded,
many like me, hoping for the phoenix to rise,
and take them there.
But I carry on,
Have to reach there all by myself,

Not knowing where this road will end,

will it ever end?
I am thirsty,

But no pond nearby to quench my thirst,
so i keep walking,

fall down,
on my knees,

but still keep crawling,

and get back on my feet again.

I look around.
That Golden flash of light!
No it wasn't meant to be.

A mirage....?

A weird sound goes off,
ah its that black widget.
it says - 6:30
And then starts the journey,
a journey of a different kind.
Where I walk, others Run,
My thirst to be quenched
Ponds, Oh A lots of them!
Some of them are confined,
others look crystal clear,
but are shallow and filthy.
My thirst.. UNQUENCHABLE here..
I was better walking on that earlier path,
I'd rather CRAWL and find that serene river.....